AS this is the week between Christmas and New Year, I decided to see out the old year in the town where the first supporter of an English language (King Alfred the Great) was born with a play on some words which are disappearing from our language.

So I have 'corroded' (to scrape together; to gather together from various sources), a column which is a 'gallimaufry' (a mishmash or jumble) of arcane (known or understood by very few) words to help you to get over your 'woofits' (the unpleasant after-effects of overindulgence, especially drinking) or 'crapulous' (to feel ill from excessive eating or drinking) feelings.

By the time you have finished reading this column, you may be 'awhape' (amazed, or utterly confounded) or feel the need to become 'nizzled' (to be slightly intoxicated, to be worse for liquor; to be unsteady on your feet).

As someone who is a habitual 'momist' (a person who habitually finds fault, a harsh critic), I don’t want to 'swerk' (to be or become dark; in Old English often, to become gloomy, troubled, or sad), or 'twattle' (to gossip) but I do want to remind everyone that there will most likely be lots of 'ruffing' (to swagger, bluster, domineer) by our councillors next spring in the lead-up to the local council elections at the beginning of May.

Let’s hope that they don’t become 'roukers' (people who whisper or murmur, who spread tales or rumours) or even worse losengers (false flatterers, lying rascals or deceivers).

Let's hope they stick to the facts as they 'assay' (attempt) to persuade you of their veracity (truthfulness) and demonstrate an 'appetency' (a longing or desire) to represent you.

We all know 'lurdans' (idle or incompetent people), and 'sciolists' (people who pretend to be knowledgeable) but they shouldn’t be our representatives in the future.

I know that this column contains 'perissology' (use of more words than are necessary; redundancy or superfluity of expression) and that I’ve been a 'blatherskite' (someone who talks too much) but hope that you have enjoyed my balderdash (from the 1590s, it was originally a jumbled mix of liquors – milk and beer, beer and wine, etc – before being transferred in 1670s to ‘senseless jumble of words’).

I will try to get back to normal after becoming a 'vinipote' (a wine drinker) and having a 'maffick' (to celebrate very exuberantly and boisterously) good time at New Year.

As King Alfred would have said: 'Waes hael'.